HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS

We are so back. I think the last time I drafted a toilet read for the fellas was back when I was working at Sikorsky. That being said I'll never forgive Yahoo for removing the message board and deleting all previous write ups we had throughout our seasons. But like any relationship we jumped ship for a younger, smoother model after years of tolerating mediocrity. Now we actually have a precise time when waivers roll! Imagine how much better we would have slept 10 years ago! Good riddance Yahoo! Week 2 included various highs and lows across the league, Preston put up the 4th highest score we've ever seen and Owen put up the lowest score we've had since 2014 (RIP Dart, Reed and Collins). Half the league failed to put up more that 107 points and Ant proves he is God's favorite with a sub 100 point win. Just put him and Preston in the ship already and lets call it a year. As we enter week 3 we have 3 teams still undefeated looking to accomplish what the 2007 Patriots couldn't. We have 4 teams sitting at .500 and 3 teams still looking to make it into the win column. Fun fact, Preston is averaging 212.09 points per week. I think "Most Points" is basically a lock this year. As much as I'd love to keep glazing Preston's team I'll move on to the recaps. Smith & Wilson (1-1) > Superbowl Hangover (0-2) If being put on the Madden cover is a curse so is winning our league. Although this is not always the case as proven by Ant, most players in our league after winning experience a tremendous fall off the next year. Preston did a first to worst and most others just miss the playoffs. Matt finds himself down to 0-2 to start the year after our matchup this week. Amon Ra started off cold but quickly got hot on Thursday night to the tune of 36.20 points and I wont lie I thought my week was cooked right there. But as Matt described in the group chat with one pic, the bottom half of his team did not show up this week. Jefferson, Loveland, Nabers and Metcalf combined for a total of 17.6 points. On the bright side Tuten looks legit and should continue to get better throughout the season. But tt just wasnt enough to cover the combined forces of the NFC east duo of CD and Smith who combined for 65 points. Carolina D was also a last minute splash pick up with 26 points and 10th overall pick JT had the highest RB score of the week. Low lights include T-Law not being him and Jaden Daniels arm turning into a noodle. Anyone else see the post about how the entire commanders team left Daniels to die alone on the field but all the Giants players took a knee and prayed for their QB.....Yikes....says alot. Mo will look to get his first win next week against our current basement resident Ryan Speaker and I will try to stay hot against the commish. The Strib Club (0-2) < Allen the Hips (2-0) Imagine putting up the third highest score of the week just to get trounced by over 80 points. Fun fact, Ryan and Nick could have teamed up this week against Preston and they still would have lost. Josh Allen is not human. JSN is elite. Adams' still got it. I saw a post about how OBJ and Adams were from the same draft class, one is still putting up elite HOF numbers and one is aura farming in pre game and riding the pine. Injuries are killer man. Anyway highlight of this game for me was being in a party chat with Orban during the Bills game. Words cannot describe how hard I laughed when we watched DJ moore get pile driven to the ground in the endzone just for the next play to be a TD to the Allen/Kincaid stack. For the first time in like 10 years Nick was actually silent. He could have had a bigger week if not for the injuries of Moore and Goedert but it wouldnt have mattered due to the sheer dominance on the other side of the ball. Now with the Strib Club closed and plagued with injuries Nick will text everyone trying to sell Hampton and Moore for their best WR with the hope that some poor sap will fall for it. He already texted me asking for CD and Ryan for Puka. "a WR that is gonna miss one game with a sprain and that's the WR1 for Josh Allen" - Nick Orban. Is he going to miss one game? Is he the wr1 for Josh Allen? Yall can come to your own conclusions. Preston will look to dominate Mitch next week and crush his undefeated dreams. Orban will square off against Lombari, which means we'll see some extra chirps in the chat this week. Will Preston every be stopped? Slim Pickens (2-0) > ODaddy's ChatGPTeam (1-1) Not much to write about in this one. Joe Burrow put up over 1/5th of Ant's points this week. Bijan and London couldnt get it done with Rush and Strand at QB. Williams couldnt overcome the commies defense. Pickens was clearly behind Lamb in this one. It took me until right now to notice you have two cowboys and two Falcons. Like I mentioned earlier Owen had three injuries that took him out of this one. And now with Caleb out a week with a, career ending performance, hamstring strain Burden looks like a bad play with Case Keenum at QB. Only bright side for OD is with JB going to IR Chubba looks like a steal at his ADP. Ant will tolerate the yapping of Orban this next week and OD will look down the barrell at Timmy and #1 overall pick Jahmyr Gibbs. Boston Mayessacre (0-2) < The Rise of Rome (2-0) The start of the season has indeed been a massacre for Ryan. With Preston setting unparalleled highs, Ryan is suffering historic lows. With two weeks under 80 points to start the year I believe Ryan is having the worst start we have every seen in our 14 seasons. (10:57am CT Dart pronounced to miss ROS) Only 3 players on Ryans starting roster eclipsed 10 points this week. His best player, Denzel Boston rode the pine along side notorious biter Puka Nacua and all time bust Marvin Harrison. Chase, Waddle and Walker alone would have had enough points to beat Ryan this week. Mitch also made a high IQ play grabbing mahomes from Waivers after Caleb went down, got the current QB3 for nothing and man he looks good coming off an late season ACL tear, he's built different. Mitch might have mahomes but Preston is the one performing black magic this year. Ryan will look for his first win against the Champ, Mo Money. Flexual Misconduct (1-1) > Jahmyrror on the Haul (1-1) Holy mid-off. Uninspiring play from both sides leads to a commish victory this week. Thanks to Brock Purdy stomping on the Dolphins for 32 points, Dylan was able to escape with a victory in week 2. James cook got back on track and Jalen coker looks like the panthers wr1. Outside of that, all of Dylans wr2's did just okay. Dylan was let down by the Bucs twice this week, once for defense and once in the survivor pool. Tim had some solid performances from Hurts and Gibbs but both still failed to reach their projections. Chase brown was bottled up by the Houston D, Godwin is getting older, and Kraft might not be all the way back from his injury. Maybe his 3rd round pick Brock Bowers will actually play this week and help give his team a boost. And for all those wondering Tim has made it known, Terry McLaurin IS available! Hit his line! Tim will look to battle the AI overlords and Owen's GPTeam. Dylan stares down the barrel of a Smith & Wilson team that might be getting Flowers back. My predictions for week 3: Steve > Dylan Orban > Ant Ryan < Matt Tim > OD Mitch < Preston It was fun doing a write up again, I hope y'all enjoyed it and I didnt keep you on the toilet long enough to get a hemorrhoid. Good luck to everyone this week! -She Shough'd my Soul