Week 1 Recap

Week 1 Recap We’re so back boys! We’re so fucking back. Yeah back to this cruel game we can call fantasy football where my happiness week to week lies in an imaginary team and your guys imaginary teams performing badly. Back to parlays that should never exist. Back to spending all day watching football knowing damn well your team could be fucked by 1:24 pm. Back to overreacting to week 1. Guys are league winners and waiver wire gems. Guys are busts. Preston is going to end the drought. We know nothing! But I do know we’re back to Scott Hansen’s sweet, sweet voice. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Monday Morning Tears is back. Congratulations goes to Preston, Mitchell, Tim, Owen, and Anthony for winning week 1. Must be nice. The rest of are left questioning everything. So there was a ton of scoring in week 1! (just not on my team lol) but nah I won’t be salty. This HAD to be one of the biggest offensive week 1 in history. I wrote this before the week ended. Turns out it tied 2012. 791 total points & last years Super Bowl rematch was the lowest total of the week. Go figure. And that was with the SB favorite Rams putting up 7. 11 teams scored 30 or more points. Lot of guys scored 2 or more touchdowns: Monty, King Henry, & Swift had 3 Guys that scored twice: Josh Allen, Hubbard, JT, Swift, Gibbs, Jalen Coker, Amon Ra, Caleb Williams, Christian Watson, JJettas, Jeanty, Goedert, Likely, Javonte Williams, Ken Walker. Did I miss anyone? Goddamn. Action Network put out some post that a slip with all these guys would have paid out a number that looked like more money that exists in circulation. Week 1 League Stats Highest score: Allen the Hips - 194.86 Lowest score: Boston Mayessacre - 79.92 Biggest blowout: Preston v Ryan (114pt margin) Closest matchup: Mitch v Steve (13.4 margin) Highest scoring matchup: Tim v Matt 288 pts Lowest scoring matchup: Preston v Ryan 274pts Average points/matchup: 282.87 Average points/team: 141.43 Total league points: 1,414 MVP: Pdogg. Not really close this week. Scored way more than any of us. Matchups Deep Diver Ant > Dylan Anthony wins this one easily 162-123. He had two of the guys with 2 TDs and has Bijan Robinson who went off for 170+ all purpose yards and a score. Man is a WR1 playing running back. Bucky Irving caught a ton of balls and scored. That’s 3 top12 RBs on the week. CWat went bonkers with 30+ pts in the 1st half. For me well it was a case of starting wrong guys apparently. Because everyone knew that Jalen Coker was going to be fantasy WR1 on the week & I was supposed to start Monangai over James Cook. Obviously. You know what’s an insane stat? Ashton Jeanty is now 1 of 3 players in NFL history with multiple games of 100+ rushing yards and 2+ receiving TDs, joining Christian McCaffrey and Brian Westbrook. Staggering, seems like there would be a lot of instances like that. Anyways I digress. Justin Herbert looked drunk off fucking Madison Beers Tits. Plenty of other star QBs with rockets for wives. Lock in dude. I digress again.. so yeah Ant starts off 1-0 and I’m 0-1 Owen > Nick OD cruises to a commanding win 159-122. A lot of the league questioned Owen’s draft picks but they did not disappoint. Wasting a 5th round pick on a QB just to bench him is crazy work. But you know what I respect the decision. This guy had 3 or 4 fumbles YIKES & Dart churned out a top 5 performance. Monty held it down with 3 touchdowns!! Hubbard adds two scores!! Likely scores twice! Collins scored! Solid start to the year for Odaddys ChatGPT team. Nick’s team failed to reach expectations in Week 1 with five guys scoring less than projections. CMC and Kyren had lackluster performances to get it started and wasnt much going on elsewhere. Parker Washington lived up to the preseason hype for with a beauty diving TD catch. But ya left DJ Moore and Goedert (TE2) on the bench which would have made this a bit closer. Preston > Ryan My god what a beat down here. Preston’s team went off for the highest score of the week, a whopping 194 PTS and Ryans squad had a forgettable performance with just 79 PTS. Josh Allen and Derrick Henry go for 30+ each. Both had multiple rushing scores. King Henry is timeless dude is defying all odds at age 33. I hope he ends his career as the all time rushing TD leader. Josh Allen just doing Josh Allen things starting the year off with a 40 bomb. JA historically goes off in Wk1. 43 last year, 36 in 2024, 41 in 2022. Honestly your whole roster popped off except Pitts and Adams. 7 roster spots put up 20+ including DEF. Ooof Ryan this is tough. Preston could have nearly beat you with just Allen and Henry. Only guy to exceed projections was the Rookie on his debut and those 13 pts ain’t saying much. He scored your teams only TD. Better weeks ahead.. Tim > Matt Tim wins this one comfortably 162-126 backed by a strong showing from the RB Trio of Gibbs, Swift, and Chase Brown finishing as RB 3,5,14. Jalen Hurts also racked up 31 points which was QB7 on the week. Not much going on elsewhere all 3 of your starting WRs failed to hit their projections or find the end zone. For Matt’s squad there was a lot left to be desired but there were a few bright spots. Lamar had a solid game passing and rushing for 29 FPTS. The sungod did his thing returning first round value with a WR1 outing of 28.7 PTS, WR4. Justin Jefferson also has a great start to the year with 31.2 PTS, WR3. This was his first game with 2 tuds since 2024. Carson Wentz was the best thing to happen to him. Unfortunately we got a goose egg from Loveland and your starting RBs combined for 13 pts. Tim comes out on top. Mitch > Steve In this weeks closest matchup, Mitchell could thank Ken Walker or really Andy Reid for giving him the utilization he needed. Just shy of 200 total yards and 2 TDs good for 36 PTS, this weeks RB2. The real winner her was Caleb Williams who was the highest scoring player of the week. His 41.3 points led the way. God I hate that little nail-painting fucker but he’s really good at football and I’m not ready to accept it. On the other side, it was actually a solid week for Steve as he carries ‘Highest Points in Loss’ medal. TLaw was outdone by Caleb & JT was outdone by K9. That makes up the 13 point margin right there. The other bright spot comes from Zay Flowers who put up his 28 in the first half. Who is now hurt. Tough. Steve had a really tough week “losing every league and hitting no bets” but there’s always next week!