Headlines

Isiah Definitely, Finishes as the TE1

One of the best late round picks in the draft, Isiah Likely is the TE1 on the year. He’ll look to keep it rolling with double 9’s.

Love finds the Golden Ticket

Love is all you need. Jordan Love finds the Golden ticket as Packers offense keeps rolling, building a formidable duo.

Rodgers Finds Germie to Revitalize Career

Forget the ayahuasca, Aaron Rodgers finds new Germie to turn back the clock.

Pitts Finds a Good Penix

All Kyle Pitts needs is a good Penix to succeed. Is it just a fling or will this continue?

Drake Maye Be Back

After an abysmal start and a good cry, Drake Maye regaining last seasons MVP runner up form, even with stone handed AJ Brown. Sometimes you just need a good cry.

Trevor Lays Down the Law

Trevor Lawrence finishes as QB1 on the week reminding everyone who the number one public defender is in Jacksonville.

Local Unemployed Man Casts VooDoo Spell

Man resorts to black magic and voodoo spells to ensure fantasy win in week 5. Some people rumor he sacrificed an orange cat as part of the ritual. It pays off to a weekly high score and dropping to 10th in PA.

Writer’s Block: The MMT Newsroom Goes Silent

In a stunning turn of events, the MMT editorial staff has officially hit a wall. Sources close to the newsroom confirm that creativity is at an all-time low, while expectations somehow remain even lower.

Thank you, Annabelle!

Jahmyr Gibbs is putting up video game numbers through 5 weeks - He looks to keep it going after the early bye as the Lions host the Packers in week 7.

Local Fool Overpays For Rental WR3

League buffoon and current basement resident overpays on Keon Coleman. $28 for a potential 1 week WR3 rental! Shakir was thrifted at a bargain for $2 and presents more stability. Sign the lease now you’re staying down there!

Man vs Machine

ChatGPT was no match for the indominable human spirit. Compute this AI, you lose!

Castaway to Savior

Emmanuel Wilson, once a castaway on the wire turned into an RB2 life raft for the short term.

Local Strib Club Re-opens!

The local ‘Strib Club’ has reopened! However patrons beware as it has been turned into a makeshift ICU after a mass casualty event where over 5 people have been placed on IR or ruled out for several weeks. (This place sucks).

Mathlete Captain Young Plays with a Tet for the First Time

Bryce Young finally figures out what it’s like to play with a Tet after beating the Lions convincingly.

Jackson Continues Not to Perform Second Act

Lamar Jackson Concertgoers Furious After Once Again Receiving Only Half a Show

Don’t Poke the Bear

Rome’s Legacy At Stake?

A strange calm has fallen over the plains of Italy. Two armies converge. The battle for one city’s soul. The steady cry’s of two generals: “Let us now go; make famous this field out here.” Will the knight’s watch hold? Or Will the night’s whores prevail? Only Father Time can tell us.

Get in line… free dub in MMT basement

Step right up! After Josh, King Henry & JSN of course. In bad taste considering the times? Yes. Will each of us still take our turn? Also yes.

Bowerless No More

Brock Bowers doesn’t miss a beat in his return from his low taper fade on his meniscus, hauling in 10 catches for 116 yards and a TD in a Raiders 35-27 road win over the Saints.

Big Cock Brock

That is all.